Caring for Teenage Children

I teach and they run away.  I listen and they come.

                                        Akiane Kramarik*

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Adolescent children need compassionate, respectful care just as young children do. Today there seems to be a lack of good care for them, however, considering how many young people suffer from the emotional pain of mental health disorders and die from accidental injuries, drug overdoses, and suicides every year. Surely, the care of older children must be close to God's heart, yet we can be slow to recognize this. We often go along with the stereotypes and assume that all teenagers are moody, obnoxious, and delinquent. At the same time, society encourages teens to be objects of sexual attraction and sadly often exploits them. 

If adolescents have been harmed spiritually, emotionally, and physically, it is not always their fault, but perhaps more often the fault of the larger, materialistic society in which we live. What society wants for its young people may be quite different from what God wants for His own. As parents and caregivers of youth, how can we look beneath the surface of society's view and recognize the special soul of the teenager within? Only God can teach us.  Learning how to reach out to youngsters with unconditional love and understanding is a journey that God leads us on, a process that is gradual but ultimately rewarding.   

​A Deeper, Spiritual Look at Adolescence

There truly is something special about this stage. Once, there was a small, innocent baby, then a sweet, curious, and active toddler, then a special and growing child, and now, there is a beautiful young man or young lady, nearly grown. It is amazing and blessed to behold.  How do we view these changes?

Popular culture teases endlessly about factors that are not always so important or relevant. Physical maturation is simply the fulfillment of God's created bodily plan for a person. It is special because it makes conception of life possible, and this is indeed a sacred mystery. After puberty, privacy becomes even more sacred and a deep level of respect is required from others. However, "growing up" need not be made to seem as if it were a huge milestone and departure from young childhood. Children should be assured that the physical and emotional changes they are experiencing are natural, positive, and in no way bad. They should be made to understand that such changes do not mean they have to give up their childhood and become an adult in a hurry.

Patience should be used in dealing with youngsters; the mental process of growing up should not be forced on them in any way. It is now understood that teenagers' brains are still in the process of developing up to the age of 25. As a result of this continual growth, youngsters often behave like children on some days but act like adults at other times. It is important for caregivers to be understanding of these fluctuations in behavior and to view them as normal. Jennifer Browne, an author and mother, stresses the importance of consistent parental support in the adolescent years that reinforces the trustworthy bond made in childhood. She remarks, "With all these changes taking place in your child's brain, it's important to remember that even though your teen may seem like they are more grown-up and mature[...], teens still need to be protected and nurtured" (Browne & Buchanan, 2019, p. 35).      

Adolescence is special in a spiritual sense. For some people it is during this stage that God begins to speak to them about what He desires for them, what His will is for them. Sometimes it is during adolescence that personal morals are more deeply formed and private inspirations and goals are implanted. Other times, adolescence may be the period when one becomes rather confused and strays away from morals and faith, only to take them up again stronger than before later. Either way, teenagers need to be reassured that God does have a special plan for them in their lives and that it is certainly okay to be in a period of searching. 

Young people often have big dreams and visions for tomorrow that are uplifting for us to witness. As 18-year-old Blessed Chiara Luce Badano once expressed, " Young people… young people… they are the future" (Henderson).  It is imperative that we remember that many youth are already helping to make the world a better place. The media may paint a picture of youth as troublemakers, but the reality is that many teenagers are serving as earthly angels, giving back to others. Focusing on the good traits of our youngsters rather than on their mistakes can help us overcome stereotypes and become more understanding and positive towards the youth in our care. In their professional training curriculum, the National Resource Center for Youth Services (NRCYS) recommends that we "practice doing with youth rather than doing to youth" (NRCYS, 2005, p. 7). This means that we should accompany and support teenagers as they try out new roles and responsibilities, while allowing ourselves to learn from them even as they learn from us.  

Adolescents really do have a lot to teach adults. If we take the time to listen, we may gain a new understanding that we never had before!

​Being There for Teens

Teenage children often experience anxiety, doubt, confusion, anger, shame, and sadness interspersed between high levels of cheerfulness and happiness, just as younger children do. Youth should be allowed to have their feelings and to be able to let them loose in a positive manner. Having a caring adult to talk to about complex feelings can be helpful for teens, whether that adult be a parent, teacher, or mentor.  However, some youngsters might prefer to keep their feelings to themselves rather than to talk about them.  In these cases, they should not be forced to talk about something they would rather not. Some teenagers might be more willing to talk and disclose, while others may be more quiet and reserved.  Both personalities should be respected.

Young persons can feel a little uncomfortable under an adult's scrutiny at times, especially because of their increasing need for privacy. Therefore, adults should be careful and considerate in any questions. If a teenager really seems to be hurting inside, however, then one should take steps to gently find out what is wrong.  

Today's young people often have to deal with more stress than is easy for them. Such difficulties can often take a toll on their emotional health. We are frequently reminded of this sad reality when we hear about teenage suicides in the news. It is important to remind ourselves that these tragedies can be prevented. Unconditional love and listening can make a big difference.     

Some adolescents are self-conscious about their own physical features and abilities and devalue themselves. We need to let these children know that they are beautifully made and can be who they are without following pressure from others. Such reassurance does not have to be verbally expressed; sometimes this message can be conveyed simply by how we treat the youngsters in our care. An emphasis on physical looks and social competence, no matter how subtle, can be detrimental to teens and can cause them to feel pressured. Caregivers have to make sure that such attitudes are not conveyed in the environment in which they work and in their own interactions with youngsters. Young people with special needs must also be included and encouraged in everything. Caregivers should recognize that these children have their own unique capabilities and inspirations.

We must keep an eye out for and be willing to reach out to youngsters who are having an especially hard time. Teenagers who suffer from depression or suicidal feelings, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, abuse, dysfunctional family situations, addiction, or self-harm need to have an anchor of support, something to fall back on when all else appears to be collapsing around them. They need to be loved and accepted in the midst of their pain. When we accompany youth in their suffering, we can gradually guide them towards healing and re-growth.    

Altogether, true care of teenagers incorporates a spirit of respect and selfless love, with a soul-centered gaze that sees into the value of each child regardless.  

Be there. Love unconditionally. Listen. 

References​

Browne, J., & Buchanan, C. (2019).Understanding teenage anxiety: A parent's guide to improving your teen's mental health. Skyhorse Publishing. 

​Henderson, S. (n. d.). Blessed Chiara Badano--Sunday,    October 29. Aleteia. Retrieved Jul. 26, 2020  from https://aleteia.org/daily-prayer/sunday-october-29/   

National Resource Center for Youth Services. (2005).  Residential child and youth care professional curriculum. National Resource Center for Youth  Services. 

*The Spokesman Review. (2004). Strokes of genius.  Retrieved Jul. 26, 2020  from https://www.spokesman.com/stories/2004/jul/11/stro  kes-of-genius/

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